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i’ve always tried not to hurt or offend he-who-must-not-be-named (bukan voldemort loh) but now i don’t care anymore. i don’t care what he’d think about me if he read this (second conditional: used in talking about unlikely situations: means i don’t think he even bother reading any of my blogs).

you gals all have your own 1st love, dont u? but how old were you when you really knew it was love? do you consider your puppy love as your 1st love? dang!! because of my previous conversation with tasya, now i really want to talk about it. (maaf tasya if u hate this topic then you mustn’t read ’cause i don’t want to remind you of that man)

it was when i was only 11 or 12. you’d think “you were only a lil girl! what did you know about love back then?!” well i thought i loved him because everyone was teasing me! now that i think about it, i’m not sure whether i loved him or not. if you say it’s only a puppy love, then why do i miss him when i see his pic? he’s just so unforgettable.. so far, he’s the only person who was really nice to me and cared about me even if i wasn’t his girl. really really really different from all of the boys that i know these days. why? they don’t care about you if you’re not their girl. as soon as u’re official, aaaaakh lagaknya kyk yg paling care! cuih! i assess people’s behavior from the very start!

back to the topic. i don’t dare to talk even a single word to him anymore. he got me wrong. i want to explain but… you know.. i’m a coward. i don’t want him to be my boy. i just want him to be my friend again. like what we used to be. but i bet he won’t even remember that we used to be friends. *sigh*

if you read this, you know who you are. and i’m really sorry that i haven’t been able to forget sailormoon. nevermind. i’ve moved on. it’s just that sometimes i hope we can be friends again.

note(s) (ga pake to financial statement): he-who-must-not-be-named who i mentioned on the 1st paragraph isn’t the same as the person who i talked about on the whole topic.

nyampe rumah jam 8an (ga yakin jg sih), trus nempel di kasur langsung tidur. i felt really tired. sebenernya ga melakukan hal apa pun yg melelahkan sih, tp hati kusut jdnya kl udah nempel sama kasur bawaannya mau tidur. biar semua beban lepas. yang ada malah jam 12 malem kebangun dan sampe sekarang (read: 2.25 AM) ga bisa tidur lagiiii… jam segini ga ada yg bisa diajak ngobrol.. pdhal ingin cerita.. :’(

baju kena cat. celana kena cat. sampe jam tangan pun kena cat. sebegitu cerobohkah gw? T.T pdhal ga nempel2 ke dinding!! dan pdhal ga semua tembok dicat… gmn dong kl catnya ga bisa ilang? cacat dong jam gw.. gara2 cat, jam jd cacat.. hm.. that rhymes! haha..

tadi my parents asked me something about her. ntah karena emang gw udah bete atau gmn, i was a lil’ supprised that the question bikin gw tambah bete.. do i h8 her? i dunno.. i used to like her, well i still like her, but… hiks.. satu2nya hal about “friends” yg bikin gw sedih.. i know i was wrong. but i’ve tried to make it up! and now i’m getting tired of it.

kemarenan kan gw iseng isi2 pertanyaan di web apa tuh yg nanti abis ngisi keluar penilaian ttg diri kita (dpt dr notes org, lupa webnya apa). pas di bagian friends, hehehe.. gw mau post lengkap kata2nya sampe ga enak.. but setelah dipikir2 it was true. intinya tingkat kepedulian gw terhadap temen cuma 20%.. gile kali ya.. tp gmn dong? i can’t pretend to care when i don’t! in fact, i really don’t believe tuh mereka2 yg ngeGANG bener2 care about each other. *rolling eyes* yah maap aja deh. anak tunggal, harap maklum. malah kalo temen ada yg mau beliin ini itu buat adeknya, gw selalu berpikir “peduli amat sih?!”
udah ah mau try to sleep…

T.T i am pathetic!! kenapa aku jd pengecut gini ya tasya?? huh..

well, i dedicate the title of this blog to someone out there. juz wanna let you know that this is how you made me feel. hiks hiks.. sadar atau ngga, you always turn your back on me. dan ntah sengaja atau ngga, you made me fall for you. *btw drtd kok judul lagu terus ya yg gw sebutin? ahaha*

first of all, DON’T FORGET TO BUY THE NEW KELLY CLARKSON ALBUM WHICH WILL BE RELEASED ON MARCH 10th 2009!!! huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

my life sucks as usual… gw udah 1 minggu kira2 kaga online dan hanya the one and only miss Kelly Clarkson yang membawa gw untuk kembali online padahal udah tengah malem begini!! kelly keren keren kerennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn T.T pokoke TOP deh ga kayak never again yg agak2 gmn gt..
akh gara2 si usa nih konsentrasi gw buat kelly jd terbuyar.. jd merasa sebagai pihak yg ditinggalkan :’( i dont really care actually but it’s really bothering me!! gw jd ngerasa bodoh bangettt. cihh…

laperrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

oh Gosh.. you don’t know how much i’ve cried. ternyata nganggep セーラームーン gantung lebih baik daripada tau & nonton sampe tamat. i spent my new year’s eve watching the series’ last season. yeah LAST season… no season 6… i’m still sad to remember that.. beside the fact that i like Seiya better than mamoru.. i know it’s not fair to mamoru if うさぎchoose Seiya over him.. but……….. T.T

i guess this series will make my condition worse. i haven’t finished watching season 4 but i don’t think i’m still interested in it. now that i know Seiya… and there’s no Starlights in season 4…

I’m reaching out and no one hears my cry. I’m freaking out again ’cause all my fears remind me. Another dream has come undone. I feel so small and lost like I’m the only one. I wanna scream. ‘Cause I’m desperate.

I want somebody, just anybody to bring some peace to my soul tonight. I want a reason to keep believing that some day I’m gonna see the light.

I’m in the dark. There’s no one left to call and sleep’s my only friend, but even sleep can’t hide me from all those tears and all the pain. And all the days I wasted pushing them away.

no, I’m not that good in writing lyrics. yeah it’s a song. juz change all of the “I”s and “my”s to “you”s and “your”s, google it, then you’ll know whose song this is.

it’s just that this song is really me rite now. can’t talk much about it ’cause it can kill me. inside.

here we go again. why do i always feel like writing a blog when i’m suppsed to study?

can i just write song lyrics here? ’cause my heart is singing this song all day.. i just love listening to his voice when i’m sad. i need him to save me from this nothingness.

how i wish i could go back to 9 years ago. when i still had this dream that kept me going. but now it’s fading out. it makes me sick to think of it. my heart’s crying but my tears don’t fall. it’s hard for me to cry lately. my tap of tears is broken. can anyone fix it please? that’s why i need to listen to his voice. to know whether or not i’m still able to cry.. it’s embarassing to write things like these on a blog but i don’t want to write a song anymore when i know the dream is over. sometimes i still think about writing a song when an inspiration comes to me but then again, what for?

miss u Mark (eventhough u’re a gay =P)…

You Must Have Had A Broken Heart (CD Version) - Westlife

heroes is sooo addictive you knoww! aarrghh i really can’t wait till episode 4 is released! 6 days seem soooo long. *sigh* peter is sooo cool. i’m not a big fan of milo but i really like him as peter. =P

for those of you who haven’t watched heroes season 3, go and watch it! it’s much better than the boring season 2. seriously!

i haven’t been writing for a long long time. well, i haven’t got any interesting thing to write anyway. i believe my english has already gotten worse again by now. you know, i’ve become more and more stupid ever since i entered that filthy (i love using this word ’cause it reminds me of draco! haha) university!

errr.. what should i write? ain’t got anything to share.. ’cause most of the things that’ve happened to me were bad and i dont want to talk about it. so… i guess that’s it. haha

gw pengen join sp fans club, tp gw uda ga suka2 amat. gimana ya enaknya? tapi bikin ngilerrrrrr.. aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhh! para artis itu emang paling pinter ngeruk duit fansnya!